Please Accept this little Parting Gift and Thanks for Playing the Game

Three months ago I requested a retirement packet containing a set of forms from the Board of Pensions. Last night our session voted to pass a “bare bones” budget that had to make “hard decisions.” The two phrases in quotes usually means the pastor won’t get a raise this year. It didn’t mean that at all. It was far worse than no raise. It was a $8,500 dollar cut in my total pay package. In my thirty five years, I have never had my salary reduced. The finance committee forwarded a budget falsely and fancifully assuming I would be their pastor for twelve months.  It is common knowledge, I will last anywhere from two to five months. The numbers two and five correspond to the months the presbytery meets. In February the presbytery could vote to dismiss the congregation to the EPC or not. They choose to form yet another "committee" - variously called "team" and "commission." Unless they are authorized to act in the interim, that would bring my final month to May at the latest. Either way, my tenure as pastor is over long before the end of the year.

Back to the packet from the Board of Pensions: When I sent for it, I learned from a very competent sounding young woman on the phone that I am required to declare a date certain for retirement. I said, “Couldn’t we leave that date open ended?” I heard a sharp, crisp, and unwavering “No Sir that is not how we do it. We must know the precise date you set for retirement so we can calculate the approximate amount of your pension.” Then she quickly added, speaking with the speed of the voice reading one of those cautionary disclaimers at the end of drug commercials, “This is always subject to a final audit and may not be the precise amount you will receive.” Not missing the irony I thought, “A precise date produces an approximate amount, which is subject to future revision.” I wanted to ask, “Why is it that the date is only aspect that must be precise?” I didn’t ask aloud because this disjointed policy is well above her level of responsibility. I called my area representative from the board of pensions and he casually discounted her rigidity. Just put a later date on it and send it in when you know the date of your retirement. It remains to be revealed which one of these two employees of the Board of Pension (if either) speaks with accuracy.

You might wonder why I don’t just retire or resign immediately. It is because I want to see “my beloved congregation through this time of confusion and dismay” but, seeing that they cut my pay so severely and without even allowing me to participate in this decision, I question just how “beloved” they are toward me. I fear mine is an unrequited love. That adds up to playing the fool in anyone’s figuring. Those pious words ring in my mind; “Your Lord did not send you there to be served but to serve.” To that inner voice I want to say, “Could you please be quiet and let me (with my favorite prophet, Jonah) sulk a while.”

When are you retiring?

I don’t know.

Will you receive a severance package or just the little parting gift; perhaps a plaque bought at the Lifeway store?

I don’t know.

Where will you live after retirement?

I don’t know.

What kind of ministry will you do after retirement?

I don't know.

It seems like you know very little.

On that I am certain.