The Geometry of our Dilema

I have been considering the church, at its various levels, through the lens of Family Systems Theory. Keep in mind that I am not anything but a layman in this field. Folks who are professionally educated in this area write books and articles that are dummied down enough so that folks like me can understand them.

I have found Ronald Richardson’s books helpful in understanding congregational life. I have read two of his contributions to the Healthier Church series. One is on congregations and other on pastors. I am currently reading his book on the narrower subject of polarization in the Church. He brings in all of Murray Bowen’s Family System concepts to analyze troubled religious institutions. Bowen’s theory is that we are defined, shaped or constituted, as Charles Cooley said a century ago, within the space between ourselves and those we hold as significant. In other words, we are social beings.

Two of Bowen’s concepts consider a social configuration he called interpersonal triangles and the other key concept concerns emotional cut off or the distancing of ourselves from those who are important to us. 

 The lessening of pain is a great motivation for education. It is stressful and painful to watch and experience congregations in moral and spiritual crisis. It is while we are under stress, says Richardson, that our established emotional systems either serve us or betray us.

In 2010 the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) considered the question of the ordination of homosexuals for the thirty-fifth year in a roll. At last, it was adopted when the last presbytery voted to change our constitution in the summer of 2011. It has been nearly a year. In this past year, many congregations, presbyteries, and individual pastors have been under the stress of dealing with the moral and spiritual crisis caused by this decision. There have been four or five homosexuals ordained in that period of time. This has evoked great celebration by many progressively minded Presbyterians. However, hundreds of congregations are placed under stress as they face the decision regarding their affiliation with the PC(USA). This was not a reason for joyful celebration in the presbyteries where these congregations are members. Thousands of stressful hours, a considerable amount of money, have been expended managing all the congregations in crisis. The immediate future promises only more of the same.

A complex set of Triangles can be diagramed to help us understanding the dynamics of a congregation under stress. You might have one association of persons who hold the view that we must change denominations immediately (The Leavers), and another association saying that we will fight to keep our congregation within the PC(USA) (The Stayers). These are two points of a triangle. With imbalanced triangles there are, it is said, two insiders and one outsider. The third part of this triangle could be the pastor, the presbytery, one of the renewal organizations, or one of the possible denominations of refuge. The unrecognized third point of the triangle is the Revisionist party within the PC(USA) who continues to further press for "sexual justice."The pastor will be viewed by the Leavers as their ally, thereby making him, or her, the willing or unwilling second part of the insider points and the Stayers as the outside point. The Stayers can bring in the Presbytery to form an insider relationship and make the Leavers/pastor the outsider.

Here is, I believe, the key concept. Assuming the existence of various triangles, what is the emotional bond (out-off, distance or closeness) between the three points? If it remains cooperative and maintains a measure of good will, there will be less “emotional distance” and greater health. The conflict remains unresolved, but if the relational foundation of trust and good will is strong, the conflict need not severely injure the parties involved. The greater the drama or anxiety between the parties, the greater is the emotional distance between the points of the triangle. So the theory goes.

What is key, says Richardson, to maintaining health in this congregational system is a more balanced triangle. If two points of the triangle are stressed, that anxiety is less if the third party is calm. Here is where the leadership of the presbytery and the pastor play a key role in a good outcome.

I keep asking myself, “What if the conflicted parties decide to make the third point of our triangle the Spirit of God?”